A Plan

I had a hard time again last week when I got back from America.  Without minimizing how I was feeling (because I had legitimate concerns and reasons to be sad), I'm not entirely sure that a surge of hormones wasn't responsible for the immensity of the emotions.  For a day or two I felt totally worthless, extremely nostalgic for our old life (especially my job), and a strong desire to leave London and return home.  All things I am still feeling right now, but with just a touchhhh less intensity.
I'm a big believer in feeling.  Wrong or right, timely or untimely, over-dramatized or not, I like to feel the feelings.  I'm not a 'sweep it under the rug' kind of person.  I believe that it's important to acknowledge how you feel, cry a little, and then try to move on and make it better.
The good news is, throughout the entire 'two day episode' I was still able to be thankful and be happy about certain things.
I understand that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for us.  I know with certainty that I will look back on our experience here with a huge smile as I recall all of our wonderful memories.  But, it's still been a challenge at times, and I realized (almost a year in) that I need to make a change.  I need a plan.

What is lacking from my life right now is the fulfillment and joy that my job in New York offered.  I haven't had that in quite some time (1 year and 3.5 months to be exact) and I am really longing to feel that sense of gratification and pride.  I volunteer at a preschool and a mommy drop-off every week, but it's still not the same.  Something is missing.  Sooo ... we had a family meeting a few days ago and I have decided that my goal for the remainder of our time here is to accomplish something.  Anything!!! I don't want our experience in London to be all about the people we meet and the places we go.  I want to achieve something for myself.  I'm considering taking a graphic design or a photography course, writing a children's book (not dreaming big, just giving me something to work on), or volunteering somewhere I am desperately needed.  There are other ideas orbiting, but those are my favorite so far :)

I am sharing this so that I am held accountable.  It's your job to hold me to it.  Just be easy on me.  It's been quite a year.

Only blue skies, rainbows, and butterflies in our future!!! 

xx